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BWFC: The Alice Band Brigade




A funny poem from Barney, enjoy...

Music blaring all around, as a prelude to the match,
Fans spilling onto terraces, from streets along their patch.
Players in the tunnel, ready to do their stint,
Photographers on red alert, each picture worth a mint.

'Where`s Jonny?' asked the gaffer, 'He knows he`s down to play!'
'He`s just tying back his hair, boss. There shouldn't be much delay.'
'He`s forgotten to bring his gel again and he`s got a date tonight,
So, if he plays this afternoon, it`s bound to look a sight.'

Hands on hips, and pouting, the gaffer struck a pose,
'What a shame.' he mocked him. 'Don`t say he`s one of those?'
'Why can`t he find a hairnet and get on with the game,
And, if it keeps his hair in place, it might improve his aim.'

'He should buy himself an Alice band.' piped up the new full-back,
'They`re sold in loads of colours. My favourite one`s in black.'
He glanced in a full-length mirror, and smoothed his hair with pride,
But he looked a proper Jesse, with his locks stuck in a slide.
Still, he wasn't the only one, left looking like a girl,
As each player passed his image, he gave himself a twirl.

There were tattoos by the dozen, shirts out flowing free,
In keeping with the latest trend, they wore socks above the knee.
Boots like carpet slippers, in every colour you can get,
Gloves in double figures and wrist-bands in case they sweat.


Out on the pitch, the players stood, milking the applause,
Before shaking hands and stating 'That`s a great hair-band of your.'
'I think I`ll probably get one, when I have my highlights done,
But then again, it might be better, if I wear it in a bun.'


Once the match got under way, it was obvious from the start,
The so-called 'Alice Band Brigade`, was looking rather smart.
But as the cameras followed play, the action took its toll,
And those with fancy hairstyles, found them harder to control.
Alice bands were soon awry, and straggly hair fell down,
Before the game was interrupted, by a badly broken crown.

Eager physios sprinted on, to help fix damaged bands,
As casualties began to mount, in need of healing hands.
Commentators made the point, it was no use shedding tears,
Players wearing Alice bands should attach them to their ears.

As the final whistle sounded, the players hugged and kissed,
Except for those with pony-tails, who everybody missed.
Back inside the changing-room, Jonny`s future had been saved,
Now chastened by his manager, and his head completely shaved.
The Journalist

Writer: Barney Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Sunday May 26 2013

Time: 5:07PM

Your Comments

Poet laureate or what ...brilliant
Bwfc46
Brilliant Barney, Bravo!!!
Boltongav
LOL - Great and so true these days!
Pedro1874
So how does dougie feel now I wonder. Having left cpfc for a better chance at getting to the prem. with us he must be sick!! However as we get promoted next year they will be going the other way.
Boltongav
Great piece of verse Barney! From the previous thread, I agree with what was said about Tierney & Baptiste; they both look like good signings. Plus the the two youngsters, no great expense incurred. More evidence that DF knows what he is doing. A striker would still be good - Carlton Cole? - but all good so far!
FredMadagascar
Very good article in the BN in two parts with Mark Leather. Another indictment of the two previous managers incompetence and ignorance in the fitness department which ultimately caused our demise.
Pedro1874
DF certainly backed the wrong horse! Let's hope that it gives him even more incentive next season!
Pedro1874
DF certainly backed the wrong horse! Let's hope that it gives him even more incentive next season!
Pedro1874
Whichever way you look at it the margins are often too fine to call, we were relegated 12 months ago courtesy of one goal in either of the last 2 games. We missed the play offs this time courtesy of one goal across two games on the last day, Palace go up courtesy of one goal in the final. For all the optimism and faith the harsh fact is goals are all that matters. PS- events also put the player loan system into perspective.
aussie mike
As indeed is winning, Mike!
FredMadagascar
Shocking decision by the club to have Quick quid as sponsor. Whilst u appreciate that nobody is forced to take a loan and that there will not be umpteen sponsors queuing up, this leaves a bad taste in the mouth. Can I suggest that as a group we do not purchase any merchandise showing the quick quid logo? Also I am aware that there is a petition online regarding this. I would not dream of telling anybody here what to think or do but it would be nice to see the fans come together over this and protest if like me that is how you feel. If not I respect your views.
Boltongav
Furthermore Mr Rocky could I suggest that we look to organise a group to protest on 9/6/2013 at bolton central when the new shirts are due to go on sale. Does anybody really want this on our beloved wanderers shirt.
Boltongav
Furthermore Mr Rocky could I suggest that we look to organise a group to protest on 9/6/2013 at bolton central when the new shirts are due to go on sale. Does anybody really want this on our beloved wanderers shirt.
Boltongav
Finally I have seen suggestions of a boycott for our first match. I think it would be more productive to encourage as many people as possible to wear old shirts on that day. Particularly pre 188bet if you have them. I have several and would be happy to loan them for the day to anyone who wants one. So what do you all think?
Boltongav
Who is Mr Rocky? And what have you done with Mr Ecky?
Boltongav
Really cannot say I am happy with the QQ shirt deal. I know we need the money but surely the club could have seen this controversy coming with the ongoing disquiet over payday loans companies. Then again it probably says as much about PG as we already know. It appears they tried to sponsor Sheffield Wednesday but were shown the door; shame it seems to be a done deal. I agree that old shirts are the way to go and pre-188 ones at that. There must be other companies out there even in today's economic climate. Is Normid still a going concern?!
FredMadagascar
Warbies must have a bit of dosh lying around. And what about blo*dy GoCat...that crunchies ad that keeps coming up is driving me bonkers. Get your hand in your corporate pocket moggie nosh makers and sponsor my team to greatness while pushing back the relentless tide of shylock-esque companies.
FredMadagascar
So, are we all working on our poems then?
FredMadagascar
And so on to actual footer. Alonso appears to be being advertised as a gun for sale around Europe; will anybody splash the cash? Bogdan to Roma has got to be a spoof; he has more chance of seeing the sunset over the Croal than the Tiber. SKD has had offers; good luck to him as he probably does have a bit left to offer. Dawson & Spearing? The former will not be back as WBA value him too highly & the latter will be priced out of a deal by LFC. Students could well get a bit of a trot for the US tonight which is good and could prove he is back. So, all in all, we will probably not lose much more than Alonso this summer. Having already made four signings and hopefully with a couple more to come, the future looks pretty good. Oh lord won't you buy me a striker who scores in multiples of tens?
FredMadagascar
And so on to actual footer. Alonso appears to be being advertised as a gun for sale around Europe; will anybody splash the cash? Bogdan to Roma has got to be a spoof; he has more chance of seeing the sunset over the Croal than the Tiber. SKD has had offers; good luck to him as he probably does have a bit left to offer. Dawson & Spearing? The former will not be back as WBA value him too highly & the latter will be priced out of a deal by LFC. Students could well get a bit of a trot for the US tonight which is good and could prove he is back. So, all in all, we will probably not lose much more than Alonso this summer. Having already made four signings and hopefully with a couple more to come, the future looks pretty good. Oh lord won't you buy me a striker who scores in multiples of tens?
FredMadagascar
They ought to sell the merchandise shirts without the QQ logo on any of them on the grounds it's unsuitable to be worn by adults as well as kids! At least it won't be orange. Hopefully the sum they're paying us goes up 495% a day! Rubbish choice.
Skopelos Chris
Oh great it is orange as well!
Skopelos Chris
Is Mr Ecky away? Has anyone heard from him?
Boltongav
this sponsorship deal is utterly distasteful and without morals, its bad enough that players are given outrageous sums of money each year, to now insult the poor within our society by giving credibility to loan sharks is beyond the pale. Gartside has demonstrated ignorant contempt towards everything this club and its supporters stand for, shame on the club hierarchy for this.
aussie mike
I hope the transfer budget hasn't come from QuickQuid, the club will go under by mid-July trying to pay it back!
jayjaybwfc
i'm all for ethics but if you guys think ethics dont have a place in football, well it's goona be crap. why even bother about a small pay day loan, dont like the new kit, just dont buy. and look at addidas. and all the other manufacturers. theres no point . wow, i'm tired! go over to lion of vienna suite, there an article and the writer puts it down perfectly.
bowton_wanderer
Absolutely no chance of getting any protest organised. Can no-one remember the last time it was attempted? Pure embarrassment.
Pedro1874
We do not have the passionate fans in numbers like Blackburn or Everton. The majority of Bolton fans do not want to get involved and will not get involved.
Pedro1874
Can someone tell me what the problem with quick quid is.
Muur
Muur, they are grubby legalised loan sharks. As I said before it is upto people to decide how they feel about it. I just think it is another step down the food chain from the last sponsor. I would rather be talking about the team than this.
Boltongav
Bad move with payday loan companies making the news lately in all the wrong ways but they are legal amazingly. I feel so sorry for people that are driven to use them that are unaware of what a trap they are.
Pedro1874
"Earlier this month the industry was criticised by regulator the Office of Fair Trading for "widespread irresponsible lending" and charity Citizens Advice for being "out of control"."
Pedro1874
Well well - not by Burnden Aces or WW! from BN "FANS and community leaders will protest in Bolton town centre this afternoon after Bolton Wanderers revealed payday loan company QuickQuid as their new sponsor."
Pedro1874
Sign the petition - 1800+ already! Well done to whomever organised it. https://www.change.o rg/en-GB/petitions/b olton-wanderers-foot ball-club-reverse-th e-decision-to-allow- the-club-kit-to-be-s ponsored-by-quick-qu id
Pedro1874
btw - What's 'appened t' Mr Ecky? Surely not disappeared into the same Bermuda Triangle as Mr X and t'other fella? :-(
Pedro1874
Apparently, the "500,000 deal" is actually for monies already owed to QuickQuid. Gartside got a bit carried away at the Christmas Party and borrowed a tenner from them for a taxi and then forgot he owed them the money.
robmoss2k
Just waiting for the s***e to come pouring out of Gartslime's mouth. :-(
Pedro1874
The CEO's house looks nice, as does his $4.5m salary. I'm sure all the suicides of all the people he put into thousands of pounds' worth of debt and harassed into mental breakdowns were well worth it: http://goo.gl/maps/fI7P2
robmoss2k
"Everton had to apologise to their own supporters after more than 22,000 people signed a similar internet petition against a change to the club's crest. Last year Newcastle United came under fire for agreeing a sponsorship deal with the short-term loans company Wonga." From the Guardian article on our petition today.
Pedro1874
Kinda says something when crusading MP Stella Creasy comes to Bolton to help with the protest. The whole payday loans industry is morally reprehensible and I am deeply saddened that PG has taken a quick buck from QQ and thus garnered us yet more unwanted and unflattering publicity. We not be the most fashionable team and we are not in the right league to attract major sponsors but there must surely be an alternative to licensed loan-sharks who have already been rebuffed by clubs at our level. It would be good if PG actually came out with what the deal actually is; how much, over how long and with what strings. Does anybody happen to know any of these things? I hope enough people sign the petition to register our disgust with this deal. Meanwhile we can vote with our feet and not buy the new shirt when it goes on sale. Or buy it and stick something over the QQ logo; maybe screen print Stella Creasy's face on it.
FredMadagascar
 

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