BWFC: The Alice Band Brigade
A funny poem from Barney, enjoy...
Music blaring all around, as a prelude to the match,
Fans spilling onto terraces, from streets along their patch.
Players in the tunnel, ready to do their stint,
Photographers on red alert, each picture worth a mint.
'Where`s Jonny?' asked the gaffer, 'He knows he`s down to play!'
'He`s just tying back his hair, boss. There shouldn't be much delay.'
'He`s forgotten to bring his gel again and he`s got a date tonight,
So, if he plays this afternoon, it`s bound to look a sight.'
Hands on hips, and pouting, the gaffer struck a pose,
'What a shame.' he mocked him. 'Don`t say he`s one of those?'
'Why can`t he find a hairnet and get on with the game,
And, if it keeps his hair in place, it might improve his aim.'
'He should buy himself an Alice band.' piped up the new full-back,
'They`re sold in loads of colours. My favourite one`s in black.'
He glanced in a full-length mirror, and smoothed his hair with pride,
But he looked a proper Jesse, with his locks stuck in a slide.
Still, he wasn't the only one, left looking like a girl,
As each player passed his image, he gave himself a twirl.
There were tattoos by the dozen, shirts out flowing free,
In keeping with the latest trend, they wore socks above the knee.
Boots like carpet slippers, in every colour you can get,
Gloves in double figures and wrist-bands in case they sweat.
Out on the pitch, the players stood, milking the applause,
Before shaking hands and stating 'That`s a great hair-band of your.'
'I think I`ll probably get one, when I have my highlights done,
But then again, it might be better, if I wear it in a bun.'
Once the match got under way, it was obvious from the start,
The so-called 'Alice Band Brigade`, was looking rather smart.
But as the cameras followed play, the action took its toll,
And those with fancy hairstyles, found them harder to control.
Alice bands were soon awry, and straggly hair fell down,
Before the game was interrupted, by a badly broken crown.
Eager physios sprinted on, to help fix damaged bands,
As casualties began to mount, in need of healing hands.
Commentators made the point, it was no use shedding tears,
Players wearing Alice bands should attach them to their ears.
As the final whistle sounded, the players hugged and kissed,
Except for those with pony-tails, who everybody missed.
Back inside the changing-room, Jonny`s future had been saved,
Now chastened by his manager, and his head completely shaved.