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Bolton Wanderers: Relax

Bolton Wanderers: Relax
Good afternoon, and welcome to our new manager at Bolton Wanderers, Nadine Coyle.

Yes, the leggy, Irish songstress with the penchant for dating people who star in Dallas was the winner in our poll of who should be taking over if and when her uncle, Owen Coyle, gets the Phil Gartside shaped boot. With 36% of the vote, it wasn't an overwhelming victory by any stretch of the imagination, but the belief is that the possible appointment of Cheryl Cole as defensive coach may have swung it in her favour. Congratulations to you for coming second, and to the contraceptive coil for coming third. A strong showing from an inanimate object there.

With it being the international break as the summer gives over to Autumn and we all reminisce on the four hours of sunshine that we got this year (I blame George Obsourne), we took a couple of days off to recharge our batteries and go on a hunt for the lesser spotted AlParklar. But, now we are back, we'll give one of those roundup things we do if we have been away for a while.

CHRIS EAGLES WINS PLAYER OF THE MONTH

Or, Chris Eagles wins least culpable player of the month, as voted for by the fans. No great surprise here, although LCY coming second raised an eyebrow. Whilst the team as a whole may not have been playing well, at least Eagles has found the net on three occassions, and you can't really argue with that. In his acceptance speech, he said that all we need is one win to kick start the season. I am inclined to think that we probably need more than one win on last season's showing. A run is needed rather than the odd victory, so I'm not going to be holding my breath for another win if we do beat Watford next Saturday. You have to admire the optimism of our luxury player and at least be glad that it wasn't Zat Knight or Darren Pratley that were talking to the press.

BOLTON STAFF GO AND CHECK ON HOLDEN

Physio Andy Mitchell has gone off to Delaware to see if those staples they stuck in Stuart Holden's knee are still holding. After last month's medical masterclass by OC at the Fans Forum, we all have some kind of idea about where Holden's knee is. It is somewhere between his thigh and his foot. KA-BOOM. I'm here all week. Tip your waitress on the way out.
There is the worry that (looking optimistically) when Holden returns, he will be seen as the saviour of the season. No one would be surprised to see him entering T'Reebok on a donkey and people laying their season tickets in front of him. Hallelujah.
Of course, this will not be the way it ends up. We all saw with LCY at the end of last season that someone being thrown straight back into the first team isn't the answer and people could be laying too much on the American's shoulders, putting too much pressure on him and leading to him doing something silly. If there is any sense in the backroom staff, you would hope that Holden would be a last resort for a while. He may be fitter than you and me, but being out of football for two years will take it's toll. Just ask Sean Davis.

Sean. Davis. He was released in the summer? No. D.A.V.I.S. Oh, never mind.

DAVID N'GOG RARING TO GO

Not that it will matter if OC continues to use a 4-5-1 system to the great same great effect he used it at Hull. Another worry would be if he went back to 4-4-2 with N'Gog and SKD up front, taking us back to the dark days of......no, we're still in the dark days. N'Gog has never been a regular goalscorer and if he is to play a part this season, it may have to be from the bench. Which is a strange place to play one of your most expensive ever signings. However, with Sordell, SKD and Afobe, it becomes difficult to see where N'Gog would fit in anything other than a 4-4-2. Shudder...

SUPER JOHN MCGINLAY KEEPS ON REPEATING HIMSELF

I know that there are only so many things you can say about what is happening at the club at the moment, but it seems the malaise has even hit one of the clubs all time legends.

'Speaking as someone who knows Owen well, I can say that no-one within the club cares as much about getting this right as he does. He is hurting but he won`t give up, it`s not in his character.'

It seems that SJM has been saying this since last season. Owen is my friend. He is hurting. He wants to put it right. Won't give up. Noted, noted, noted and noted. Hasn't done a lot of good yet, has it.
This isn't having a go at SJM, it's just that when people have heard it all before, they tend to tut and shake their head. Remember Sammy Lee and his positives. Remember OC saying the same thing last season. People don't want to hear the same thing over time. It becomes repetitive and shows a lack of thought. I don't want to hear about Owen Coyle hurting anymore. I've had enough of it. I want to see results on the pitch.

He has gone back to the States, hasn't he?

Right, I'm off for a shower and a rub down. That was an intense thirty minutes. Enjoy the weekend. And, in the words of Joey Barton, don't hurt the face.

Writer:Quentin X
Date:Saturday September 8 2012
Time: 3:03PM

Comments

0
Haha
ncbwfc
08/09/2012 15:06:00
0
Et tu Quentin?
FredMadagascar
08/09/2012 18:53:00
0
to my on line friend ' FredMadagascar ' and others,'' G'Day ''. I enjoyed this article, interesting observations targeting the popular mood. as stated the odd win will serve little purpose, in fact it would represent the worst scenario, prolonging the innevitable that promotion becomes an unscalable mathamatical mountain, with O.C. clinging on regardless as Gartside dithers and E.Davies fiddles on his harp as the club burns. It would represent death by a thousand cuts felt by all loyal supporters. The players are co*****ed financially they can sail into the sunset secure in mind whatever happens. I should resist reaffirming the fact all that truly matters for the measure of any football manager is results, results, results, Alex Ferguson would agree. Success breeds success, as failure tends to breed more failure. Given unlikely sudden events in which O.C. gets successful stem cell treatment transforming his managerial capabilities or he chokes on his saliva induced vomit leading to irreversable paralysis we await the next trach of games with morbid dread
aussie mike
09/09/2012 12:01:00
0
G'day to you too mate. Hopefully we will soon all be hailing OC's managerial genius after a 6-nil demolition of Watford! Ha!
FredMadagascar
09/09/2012 13:01:00
0
And in case anyone at the club is interested, as a PE teacher I would happily turn my hand to some coaching duties. I am available, cheap(er) and an ex centre back to boot!
FredMadagascar
09/09/2012 13:04:00
0
a comprehensive performance and victory over Watford will be welcome but if we fall short of that, say a scrappy victory, it still buys Coyle more time, I can begrudgingly accept that with 3 points always the priorty, however, anything less that sees us stuttering from game to game and the gulf between ourselves and teams at the top of the league becomes wider which is unacceptable and should be avoided. I have seen nothing at all to inspire optimism, quite the opposite, reality suggests we will knock over the bad teams but the good teams will take up apart. If ever I wished to be proved wrong it is now. The worst scenario is Coyle sacked by Christmas leaving us needing a miracle to hit the play off places.
aussie mike
09/09/2012 16:51:00
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