Bolton to Rename Their Stadium

There was much mirth last week, as Newcastle United renamed their ground to the marvellously tacky sportsdirect.com@St James Park. After a spectacularly inept display against Aston Villa, at the weekend it might be an idea for Bolton to follow suit. CluelessDuffers@TheReebok has a nice ring to it don`t you think? Such a title won`t bring the money in, but at least it has the merit of accuracy.

By this stage, there`s usually been a match report, but as the players couldn`t be bothered, neither can we. So just to fill a bit of space, here`s a run down of Saturday`s defensive debacle.

Goal 1 : John Carew has both Gary Cahill and Sam Ricketts to contend with but still wins the ball. Jussi Jaaskelainen`s save is in vain as Zat Knight responds to the rebound half and hour after Ashley Young.

Goal 2 : Gary Cahill tries to out muscle John Carew. Think of a Poodle trying to boss a Rottweiler and you get the idea. Gabriel Agbonlahor shoots between the legs of both Paul Robinson and Jaaskelainen. Try doing that again.

Goal 3 : Carew shrugs off Zat Knight and nutmegs Cahill. Pure football comedy

Goal 4 : There`s a way to get yourself back in the boss`s good books. Gretar Steinsson doesn`t have it. The dopey Icelander concedes a free kick in an area that his teanm can`t defend. Getting in on the act, Kevin Davies floors Carew from the resulting cross and gives away a penalty. Jaaskelainen saves but he may as well not have bothered as following up hasn`t occurred to his team mates.

Goal 5 : Did you learn from your mistake Gretar? Of course you didn`t. Another free kick. Another free header. Another goal.

Villa could have scored more, but they had a handicap. Their players couldn`t stop giggling.

It`s a bit soon for predictions. Or for panicking, tempting though it is. But a team that can`t defend is a nailed on certainty for relegation. Anyone laughing?

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