Stop it Sam. Our Sides are Aching.

Now that Sam Allardyce`s career in football is over, the ex-Bolton and Newcastle boss is turning to comedy. What`s funny is down to opinion. Some still like mother-in-law jokes, others prefer a more sophisticated approach. Whatever the style, the humour needs to be intentional, and that`s where Sam is going wrong at the moment. His outpourings on Joey Barton prove the point. Allardyce feels that Jailbird Joey should be given another chance - the 87th of his professional career.

'If Newcastle sack him, then it will be another punishment and defeat the objective of Joey trying to put things right and become a better person,` he told the National, a newspaper published in the Middle East.

'It could also be dangerous to take away football from him. He is a complete football man. His life revolves around it, there's nothing else.`

From where we`re looking, there appear to be other things, Sam. Lager and violence for a start.

'Without it he could re-offend and, even worse, go into a depression,` he continued.

Sounds good to us. The depression bit anyway.

'We've had people in the past committing suicide because they could not cope with life after professional football.`

Anyone think that the gene pool minus Joey Barton would be a bad thing?

'When I signed Joey I knew about his troubles. I had asked about him and I asked him directly. He told me he was working on his problems, like alcohol, and getting expert help at the Sporting Chance clinic.`

What a stunning success that has been.

Next week, Sam explains that Atilla the Hun was a really nice lad, who had a rough deal from the tabloids.

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.