Stop it Sam. Our Sides are Aching.
Now that Sam Allardyce`s career in football is over, the ex-Bolton and Newcastle boss is turning to comedy. What`s funny is down to opinion. Some still like mother-in-law jokes, others prefer a more sophisticated approach. Whatever the style, the humour needs to be intentional, and that`s where Sam is going wrong at the moment. His outpourings on Joey Barton prove the point. Allardyce feels that Jailbird Joey should be given another chance - the 87th of his professional career.
'If Newcastle sack him, then it will be another punishment and defeat the objective of Joey trying to put things right and become a better person,` he told the National, a newspaper published in the Middle East.
'It could also be dangerous to take away football from him. He is a complete football man. His life revolves around it, there's nothing else.`
From where we`re looking, there appear to be other things, Sam. Lager and violence for a start.
'Without it he could re-offend and, even worse, go into a depression,` he continued.
Sounds good to us. The depression bit anyway.
'We've had people in the past committing suicide because they could not cope with life after professional football.`
Anyone think that the gene pool minus Joey Barton would be a bad thing?
'When I signed Joey I knew about his troubles. I had asked about him and I asked him directly. He told me he was working on his problems, like alcohol, and getting expert help at the Sporting Chance clinic.`
What a stunning success that has been.
Next week, Sam explains that Atilla the Hun was a really nice lad, who had a rough deal from the tabloids.
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